Chapter 3 OK, we forgave each other, now what?

July 2011

But my question was now that Bill and I forgave each other, for all the pain, hurt and wrong doing in our marriage that caused us to divorce, what do we do next?  For Bill, it was a no brainer, “Let’s re-marry!”  Whoa, not so fast!!!  We forgave each other and now could be “friends” but I was confused about love. You see, I had confessed that I no longer loved Bill! Yep, the love was gone. I no longer trusted him! He had promised to be a Godly man, a man who put God first and that was gone (nor was I the Godly woman Bill thought he married). He had not and now, sure, he SAID he was, but I needed to see it. I needed proof and it was going to take time. I just believed that God had allowed us to divorce, and in fact, a Pastor had condoned it (as I look back, it was not Biblical counsel) and gave his blessing for us to divorce.  Yes, there are righteous reasons to divorce.  I thought mine was a righteous reason – but even those marriages can be healed.

Marriage was out of the question for me. I just needed to once again love and the next time I married, it would be for true and everlasting love!!!  So my quest began! In the meantime, I was under transfer out of Mobile, Alabama to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. So thankfully, that was going to buy me some time to figure out what to do!  Bill decided to return to Virginia Beach and start a new business.

I dove into God’s Word and also into a book recommended by Linda Lees, my sister-in-lawLove Life for EVERY Married Couple: How to fall in love, stay in love, rekindle your love by Ed Wheat, MD and Gloria Perkins.  (This is the Biblical marriage manual and is the BEST book ever written for marriages, taken straight from the Bible!  In my next post, I will share the five types of love needed in every marriage!)  Linda pleaded with us to read it before our divorce was final.  Bill did and he tried to get me to read it.  But I was not ready, until we finally lived apart.

I only wanted to read the Bible. I was starving for a closer relationship with God. In fact, I craved knowing more about Him! I wanted His perfect will for my life! I asked Him into my heart at age 9 and remembered that day as clear as yesterday. I knew God was real and knew that He loved me. I just needed to know how to love Him! And if that happened, then I knew I could find true love once again! I thought Bill was my true love, but I was the failure. Love never fails, right?

So in a nutshell, after reading and studying the Holy Bible, I found the answer!!!  Wow, it was a simple concept….not much too it….I finally discovered what love was! I had the answer, the keys to the kingdom! Why doesn’t everyone know this? Why does it seem so evasive? Why am I just figuring this out, now? Do you know? What do you think love is? If you don’t know, are you ready?

Drum rollllll!  Here it is, so simple, but yet so hard for me to figure out:

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:8 

GOD IS LOVE!  WOW, I walked around in a daze for days!  What a revalation!

So then God and I began to argue for months! I still didn’t love Bill….so what am I to do? Bill began to “court” me and became the best dad ever for Jessica!  Yes, even though we now lived states apart, Bill became very involved in our lives in a new way. How could I not love him? He drove up every Friday and picked Jessica up from day care, went grocery shopping, cleaned the house and prepared dinner for when I got home from work! What is not to love? We began to pray together, we went to church together, but guess what? I still did not have any feelings of love for him! I knew he was a wonderful man and a GREAT father….but something was missing.

What did I do? I knew God wanted me to love him again. So I simply said, “God I can’t love him. Please love him through me.” And with that, after a time of healing and the restoration of trust, Bill finally popped the question in July. “Would you marry me?” YES!  No hesitation.

So the planning began.  We were new to a church fellowship.  But unknown to me, a fellow FBI Agent (Larry Hurst) who knew what was going on, shared with his Prayer Group about us and they began praying for our marriage to be restored. So imagine their joy when I showed them my engagement ring!  They offered to help us with our marriage ceremony and even the reception to follow!

What a blessing! So we also knew we needed an awesome honeymoon, because, let me tell you, when you give God the power to love someone through you, He really pours it on! Larry and his wonderful wife, Cheryl, offered to keep Jessica for the week while we went off to Jamaica!

Ah, God is so good! Thank you Lord for this great gift of healing. Thank you for helping us to learn what love is, for helping is to fall in love, stay in love and rekindle our love!

At the time of this blog post, we are in our 36th 1/2 year of marriage – even if on and off! Our first 13 years were pretty good, we were great friends if nothing else, but these last 22 years (upcoming second anniversary is August 19) have been divine!  Not without a rough bump in the road, but divine no less.

Next up: Love life for every married couple – our marriage manual

10 thoughts on “Chapter 3 OK, we forgave each other, now what?

  1. Wow! What an amazing love story! Yes, God i sooo good. He knows the desires of our heart and if we ask for it and work through obeying His Word, he will truly bless us. I am now on my first 5 yrs of marriage and I am praying as I am not perfect that God will provide me witg the wisdom to get through the rough bumps. You are an inspiration and many more blissful years of marriage to come. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. […] every Sunday possible. If I don’t attend, there is a really good reason. And there is a good reason why I attend church every Sunday. You can read here from my other blog as to why this is so important.  Sorry, I […]


  3. […] If you and your spouse believe in this and ACT on it, your marriage will be a success.  You see, we started our marriage with this belief, then the things of the world took our focus away: our jobs, buying and selling houses (we moved around), financial concerns in spite of good jobs, unhappiness with our choices of where to live, we couldn’t agree on which church to attend and in 13 years, we divorced.  To learn more, you can read how important forgiveness was for us to start over! […]

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for sharing, dear sister! “…let me tell you, when you give God the power to love someone through you, He really pours it on!” Praise God for this! “That the love You have for Me may be in them…” (John 17;26). “Love is the fulfillment of the law.”(Romans 13:10).

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you Debbie, so much Truth to learn from and yes I can identify with most of what you shared in your Messages. I remember asking God to let me Love my Husband again too and He did and Wow it was like a Rosebud opening and the fragrance was so beautiful but it still takes two when water and fertilizer is needed and Sin pollutes and destroys just like weeds do in a garden.

    I never ran my Husband down to my friends, although when greatly hurting I did seek a friend to share with and also a Minister who said my Husband just wanted his cake and to eat it too and yes my Husband loved his freedom but he also needed to Love and be Loved but didn’t know how, as his two previous Marriages showed. I also found both in my Marriage and in others who were experiencing problems with there second Marriages that Children from previous Marriages can cause emotional rifts between you and this can be because of jealously, either theirs or yours or both or the Spouse putting them and their wants first.

    In the early years of our Marriage some claimed I had my Husband on a pedestal and perhaps I did but he toppled off and when you feel unloved, you start to seek compensation and with me it as a previous gambling addiction that once again took control because of not putting my Carnal flesh to death and this led to further Sin.

    I still believe with all my heart as you shared too Debbie that the most important need in a Marriage or in any relationship is forgiveness and it needs to be unconditional but there is only one way we can experience this which is the way I shared in the Message I gave you the link for about my first Marriage.

    Thanks again Debbie, especially for your Honesty – Christian Love and Blessings – Anne.


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