Chapter 9 The Good, the Bad, the Ugly

I know I am dating myself, but I loved this movie.  So when I told Bill this was our next topic, he was surprised!  He asked, “Is there bad and ugly in our marriage?”  Men don’t see life the same way us women do, in case anyone reading this does not already know this!  (smile)

Bill never thought there was anything wrong with our first marriage.  I used to say he had his head in the sand.  But did he really?  He never wanted to see the bad or ugly.  And he still doesn’t.  We have learned so much and our second marriage is heavenly – but not perfect!  There is no perfection on this earth – we only get to look forward to it in our afterlife!  (John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.)

Every once in a while, we have a difference of opinion.  Not too often, but it just seems when it happens is as we are getting ready for church or just get home from church!  Can you identify?  Every time it happens, I think, “Oh, this is a good one for the blog.”  But then I write something else and tuck the thoughts away.  (grin) But now, I can’t recall any of the bad or ugly things!

We have learned to put each other’s needs ahead of the other, like what a parent does for a child!  Or as one Sunday School teacher shared with us, the true secret to JOY is to always put Jesus first, Others next and then Yourself!  It is a novel concept and it certainly works for us as we try to put each other’s needs above our own with our focus on pleasing our Lord.   

What I really want to do is highlight what was good, bad and ugly in our past:

Good – we really liked each other.  In fact, we had a strong attraction for each other.  (See Song of Solomon: )  We had so much in common!  We had the same values, beliefs (political and religious), and we are close in age (helpful as you grow older – you can share your aches, pains and empathize). 

Bad – We were young when we married and didn’t really know how to put our needs in perspective with the other.  We were pretty self-centered – what I wanted was what was best for me and vice versa.  We were also naive about money.  We didn’t understand how to save or how to return a portion to our Lord and Savior.  Did you know there are more scriptures on the topic of money or finances than any other topic in the Bible?

Ugly – Fights!  Arguing!  Yelling!  Mostly misunderstandings, jealousy, lack of consideration for the other.  Did we fight a lot?  Not really, but when we did, it was ugly!  I remember being so mad at him one time that I took something very precious to me, a hand painted ceramic umbrella holder that I had painted, and shattered it!  Very ugly!  The Bible is clear on this topic for good reason:  Ephesians 4:26 “‘In your anger do not sin.’ Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry…”

So what has changed?  Well, all the good is still good, maybe even better than good!  The bad, well, we learned nothing is really that important that we shouldn’t try to put each others needs ahead of our own.  It just really works for us!  We learned to watch our money, to save, but more importantly, to return a portion to the Lord, our first fruits.   2 Corinthians 9:7  “Every man according as he purposes in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loves a cheerful giver.”  (In secular terms, this is also known as the “Theory of Reciprocity.”  Or another common way to say, “What goes around comes around!”)

We learned you can’t out give God!  We found the more we gave to His service, the more He seemed to bless us with!  Then finally, we got rid of the ugly, well, mostly!  When we do get mad, we just go quiet!  I always did say, making up was almost worth it!  We learned the power of forgiveness and just do what we can to not act ugly!

Finally, most important in our life comes from the Apositle Paul:  Philippians 3:13-14 “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Have I recently mentioned the “marriage manual” we used to fall in love AGAIN, use to STAY in love, and that helps  us to constantly REKINDLE our love came straight from God’s Word, and was synthesized in this EASY to read book,below with link?

How to Fall in Love, Stay in Love, Rekindle your Love!
How to Fall in Love, Stay in Love, Rekindle your Love!

4 thoughts on “Chapter 9 The Good, the Bad, the Ugly

  1. This is great Deb, it’s hard to share the “good, bad and ugly”. I can relate!
    Thanks for sharing.


  2. […] Chapter 9 The Good, the Bad, the Ugly Ewww, this was my least favorite and hardest to write….but it needed to be written.  This was the third most read blog. […]


  3. Reblogged this on Follow the Tumble Lees! and commented:

    While we’re not traveling, reminiscing about our marriage as we prepare to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary. This is a favorite of ours…


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