“Why do men and women try to control each other early in their marriages?” We know first hand because this happened to us! When we met, we were traveling and neither really had a place we could call home. Bill had been living in his dream town, Jacksonville, Florida when he left it and all to join “Christ is the Answer” ministry. I also gave up all my belongings, dropped out of college in Norfolk, Virginia and also joined the ministry.
Long story short, we met, fell in love, left the ministry and got married. Our first decision, aside from the wedding date, was where to live.
Bill, of course, wanted to return to Jacksonville. While initially the idea sounded good to me, we actually visited there before we married, to see his friends and let them know about our wedding. Bill also visited my home town and I visited his, both staying in our childhood homes and meeting each others parents.
I don’t know why, but I bluntly said I couldn’t live in a state where we had no family. His response was, “Fine, we will live in Irwin.” His home town. He actually happily left Irwin and moved to Jacksonville because he hated the cold weather. I said it was not so cold in my home town, but he insisted his parents could help us get started in life so off we went after our honeymoon! It only took him two years to decide to move south and actually more to a beach area (we both love the beach), and not far from my parents. So why did he insist we move to where he hated the weather?
In later years, he would confess, if he couldn’t have his way, why should I have my way!
We recently began reminiscing, a lot! A friend recently posted this long-lost photo of our wedding day on Facebook. Our photographer, who had been my boss, offered to take the pictures and make us an album as our wedding gift. Sadly, he said the pictures must have been lost in the mail as I never received them. He claimed he mailed them to me.
Coincidently, we also recently attended a “Happy Together 2013 Tour” in Clearwater, FL. What a great time of memories as we relived our teen years with about 2,000 others over the age of 60.
These two events caused us to reflect back on our dating and early married years. Good memories flooded over us all weekend and we had a great time. We are now in the stage of life where we are spending more and more time together.
After learning of some problems with a newly wed couple, we began to talk about our first “battle” of the wills. We never really fought, only when we were going through the divorce process. But we did try to win our way by manipulating each other. The most evident battle was our first decision on where to live.
So our conclusion to this sad memory of a conversation, we both could have handled it differently. Bill said if only I had said to him, “I only have one year of college left. Why not live in Norfolk (or Virginia Beach) until I finished college. Then we could decide where to live.” Had I taken that approach, he may not have responded as immaturely has he did. I had to think about it and concluded, I was just afraid of living in a new state, not having any family around with a man I only knew for a few months. I couldn’t think clearly and he certainly was not looking long-term at what was best for our relationship!
We did not search for God’s response to our dilemma as to where to live. The Bible clearly tells us: Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. Proverbs 15:22
We simply never sought Godly counsel. That is the way of American Culture. If there is a moral to this story, it is to seek Godly counsel whenever you need to make a major decision!
Thankfully, the Bible also has a wonderful scripture that helps us accept our past mistakes:
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
For more wisdom on how to make good decisions, visit here: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/7-step-biblical-decision-making-process/